Terrified Postman

Q: What do you get if you cross a leopard with a watchdog?
A: A terrified postman!

A Water Overdose

A woman had some problems, so she went to her doctor of twenty years. They had the following conversation "Take the red pill after breakfast with one glass of water."
"Ok."
"Take the blue pill after lunch with two glasses of water."
"Ok."
"Take the yellow pill after dinner with three glasses of water." After giving these instructions to the woman, she asks,
"Can you tell me what's wrong with me Dr.?"
"Yeah. You do not drink enough water."

Suing Hell

A man was part of a national wildlife preserve before he died. He loved to clean up areas for all kinds of animals, and thought he had done a lot of good in the world. So when he died, he expected to go to heaven. He was very surprised when the angel, who told people whether they were going to heaven or hell, said, "I'm sorry, but you were sent to hell." "Are you quite sure you haven't made mistake?" the young man asked. "We never make mistakes and never have." The angel replied. So the young man thought, well, okay, and went with the devil to hell. When the young man got there, he thought, "What a mess! I am NOT going to be living in such a pigsty," so he started to clean the place up. A few weeks later, the angel came down to hell to tell the young man that they indeed had made a mistake and he was supposed to go to heaven. "Woah, you can't just take him! He's mine now and this place looks great!" said the devil. "Oh, well then we'll just sue you!" The angel said back. "And how the heck do you plan to do that?" taunted the devil. "We've got all the lawyers."