The Poetic Pharmacy

A pharmacist tells his new young clerk, "When a customer comes into the shop, be very polite to them and try to put a little poetry into it when you're talking to them."  The youth says that he does not see what the pharmacist means by this, so the pharmacist says that he should observe when the next customer comes in and watch how he or she is dealt with.  Presently a middle aged woman comes in to the shop and asks for something for a tummy bug. The pharmacist says, "There's a lot of that virus going about, but this pink mixture should sort you out!"  "Oh thank you very much!" says the middle aged woman and she leaves the shop.  So the pharmacist says the youth can serve the next customer while he goes to tea break. "And remember to put some poetry into it," he says. The youth waits around and nobody comes in, so he decides to go to the restroom.  Just as he's about to head off, a young teenage girl comes in. "Can I help you?" he asks. She replies very embarrassedly that she would like to buy some sanitary napkins, to which the youth replies, "Hang on there Miss, I'm dying for a piss, but I'll be back in a flash, with a sash for your gash!"

The Secret to Stopping the Cats

A veterinarian surgeon had had a hell of a day, but when he got home from tending to all the sick animals his wife was waiting with a long cool drink and a romantic candle-lit dinner, after which they had a few more drinks and went happily to bed. At about 2:00 in the morning, the phone rang. "Is this the vet?" asked an elderly lady's voice.
"Yes, it is", replied the vet, "Is this an emergency?"
"Well, sort of", said the elderly lady, "there's a whole bunch of cats on the roof outside making a terrible noise mating and I can't get to sleep. What can I do about it?" There was a sharp intake of breath from the vet, who then patiently replied
"Open the window and tell them they're wanted on the phone"
"Really?" said the elderly lady, "Will that stop them?"
"Should do," said the vet, "- IT STOPPED ME!"

The De-Ranged Cowboy

Cowboy Joe was telling his fellow cowboys, back on the ranch, about his first visit to a big-city church ."When I got there, they had me park my old truck in the corral,"  Joe began. "You mean the parking lot," interrupted Charlie, a more worldly fellow. "I walked up the trail to the gate," Joe continued. "The sidewalk to the door,"  Charlie corrected him. "Inside the door, I was met by this dude," Joe went on ."That would be the usher," Charlie explained. "Well, the usher led me down the chute," Joe said. "You mean the aisle," Charlie said. "Then he led me to a stall and told me to sit there,"  Joe continued ."Pew," Charlie retorted ."Yeah," recalled Joe. "That's what that pretty lady said when I sat down beside her."