Policeman Encounters Seeing Eye Dog

A policeman was directing traffic at a busy intersection when he observed a blind man and his seeing-eye dog waiting to cross. To his horror, he watched as the seeing-eye dog bolted across the street, dragging the blind man behind him. On the other side of the road, the man pulled out a cookie and offered it to his dog. The officer ran to the blind man and said, "Don't you realize your dog could have killed you, and now you're going to reward him?" The blind man said to the policeman, "Why, no sir, I'm just trying to find out where his head is so I can kick his ass."

Parole Hearing

Officer: Why should you be released early?
Man: I’m ..
Officer: Go on.
Man: I think...
Officer: Yes?
Man: Can I please finish my sentence?
Officer: Sure. Parole denied.

Busted Doc!

A woman was having a medical problem - her husband's snoring. So she called the doctor one morning, and asked him if there was anything he could do to relieve her "suffering." "Well, there is one operation I can perform that will cure your husband, but it is really rather expensive. It will cost $3500 down, and payments of $960 for 24 months, plus payments for extras." "My goodness!" the woman exclaimed, "sounds like leasing a new sports car!" "Humm," the doctor murmured, "too obvious, huh?"