A Priest and a Lawyer Go for a Walk

A priest and a lawyer are walking down the street and see a small boy eating an ice cream. The priest says, "How'd you like to fuck that?"  To which the lawyer replied, "Out of what?"

Feed Them Faster

There was once a man from the city who was visiting a small farm, and during this visit he saw a farmer feeding pigs in a most extraordinary manner. The farmer would lift a pig up to a nearby apple tree, and the pig would eat the apples off the tree directly. The farmer would move the pig from one apple to another until the pig was satisfied, then he would start again with another pig.
The city man watched this activity for some time with great astonishment. Finally, he could not resist saying to the farmer, "This is the most inefficient method of feeding pigs that I can imagine. Just think of the time that would be saved if you simply shook the apples off the tree and let the pigs eat them from the ground!"
The farmer looked puzzled and replied, "What's time to a pig?"

Poetic justice

A man was called to witness that a couple had been making love in a park.
The witness: They were fucking your honor
The judge:  Could the witness put it in a more Sheakspearian way:
The witness: The park was Dark but caused no fear until tiny sounds came to my ear. There was this couple on the ground there and his balls were dangling in the air and you know his what was in her you know where.  If that wasn't fucking your Honor I wasn't there.