A Missing Person

Recently, a distraught wife went to the local police station with her next door neighbor to report that her husband was missing. The policeman asked for a description of the missing man.
The wife said, "He is 35 years old, 6-foot 4-inches, has dark eyes, dark wavy hair, an athletic build, weighs 185 pounds, is soft-spoken, and is good to the children."
The next-door neighbor protested, "Your husband is 5-foot 8-inches, chubby, bald, has a big mouth, and is mean to your children."
The wife replied, "Yes, but who wants HIM back?"

A Man Encounters a Friend

A man encounters a friend and sees that his friend's car is total loss and covered with leaves, grass, branches, dirt and blood. He asks his friend, "What's happened to your car?" "Well," the friend responses, "I ran into a lawyer." "OK," says the man, "that explains the blood, but what about the leaves, the grass, the branches and the dirt?" "Well, I had to chase him all through the park."

Dog Story

A veterinarian got a phone call at midnight one night. The woman on the other end of the phone said, "My wee puppy is together with the dog from next door and I can't get them apart." The vet asked her if she tried throwing a bucket of water on them. She said "Yes, but it didn't work." He said, "Did you try hitting them with a broom." She said, "Yes, but that didn't work either." He then said, "Well Ma'am here's what you do. Hang up. I'll call you back. When the phone rings, they will separate." She said, "Do you really think that will work?" He said, "Well it just did for me!"