Will I Live Any Longer?

Patient: Doctor, if I give up wine, women, and song, will I live longer?
Doctor: Not really. It will just seem longer.

Blonde Hijacker

Airport Security alerted an airline crew to keep an eye a blonde passenger who appeared excessively nervous and shifty-eyed.
Soon after takeoff, the blonde man called a stewardess to his seat and said, "I have a live grenade in my pocket. I'll blow up the plane if you do not divert to Cairo."
Perplexed, the stewardess said, "But, sir. This is TWA flight 1219 to Cairo."
"Damn!" replied the blonde passenger, "I got on the wrong plane."

Thanks For the Balls

A New York lawyer sent gifts to many of his clients.The gifts were sleeves of golf balls, suitably inscribed with the donor lawyer's name.One of the recipients sent an e-mail of thanks back to the lawyer saying, "That's the first time I've ever had a lawyer buy the balls."