Drugged Duck

Q: What drug was the duck on?
A: Qwack!

Nicotine Patch

A guy decides to quit smoking. He decides to use the nicotine patch, but thinks it looks ridiculous. Later in the week, he stands at a urinal beside his co-worker. The co-worker looks down and notices the man has a nicotine patch on his penis. Horrified, the co-worker says, "That's disgusting! Why in the world would you put a patch on your d**k?" The man replies, "Don't knock it -- I'm down to two butts a day."

Jumping On The Bed

Q: How do you stop a black kid from jumping on the bed?
A: Put velcro on the ceiling.
Q: How do you get him down?
A: Blind fold two Mexican kids and tell them he's a pinata.