Doctor

Q: "What do you want to be when you grow up?"
A: "A doctor."
Q: "And why's that?"
A: "Because it's the only profession where you can tell women to take off their clothes and then stick their husbands with the bill."

Tattoo

Me [lifting shirt]: I trust that these will cover it.
Tattoo artist: What are you doing?
Me: Paying you
Tattoo artist: I'm confused
Me: You know, tit for tat

Reliable Computer

Q: What do you get when you cross a Jewish American Princess with a computer?
A:  A computer that never goes down on you.