Last Election

At a U.N. meeting Nikki Haley turned to the Japanese ambassador and whispered, "When was your last election?" The Japanese ambassador turned bright red and whispered back, "Before bleakfast."

What's that sound?

A tourist is sightseeing in a European city. She comes upon the tomb of Beethoven, and begins reading the commemorative plaque, only to be distracted by a low scratching noise, as if something was rubbing against a piece of paper. She collars a passing native and asks what the scratching sound is. The local person replies, "Oh, that is Beethoven. He's decomposing."

Happy Lassie

Q: What do you call a happy Lassie?
A: A jolly collie!