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The best jokes and joke writers!

Business Trip

Jon left for a two day business trip to Chicago. He was only a few blocks away from his house when he realized he'd left his plane ticket on top of his dresser. He turned around and headed back to the house. He quietly entered the door, walked into the kitchen. He saw his wife washing the breakfast dishes, wearing her skimpiest negligee. She looked so good that he tiptoed up behind her, reached out, and squeezed her left tit. "Leave only one quart of milk," she said. "Jon won't be here for breakfast tomorrow."

Scary Organization

Q: The most dangerous organization in America today is:

A) The KKK

B) The American Nazi Party

C) The Delta Frequent Flyer Club

Murphy's Travel Laws

Murphy Laws For Frequent Flyers...

  • No flight ever leaves on time unless you are running late and need the delay to make the flight. If you are running late for a flight, it will depart from the farthest gate within the terminal. If you arrive very early for a flight, it inevitably will be delayed.
  • Flights never leave from Gate #1 at any terminal in the world.
  • If you must work on your flight, you will experience turbulence as soon as you touch pen to paper.
  • If you are assigned a middle seat, you can determine who has the seats on the aisle and the window while you are still in the boarding area. Just look for the two largest passengers.
  • Only passengers seated in window seats ever have to get up to go to the lavatory.
  • The crying baby on board your flight is always seated next to you.
  • The best-looking woman on your flight is never seated next to you.
  • The less carry-on luggage space available on an aircraft, the more carry-on luggage passengers will bring aboard. 

Smooth Flying

Taxiing down the tarmac, the jetliner abruptly stopped, turned around and returned to the gate. After an hour long wait, it finally took off. A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, "What was the problem?" "The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine," he explained... "It took us awhile to find a new pilot."

Cabin Lights

Thirty minutes before a plane landed, its cabin lights came on, indicating to the flight attendants that breakfast could be served. One of the passengers, upset because he was awakened, growled, "Who turned on the fucking lights!" "Oh, no sir," the nearest flight attendant replied. "Those are the breakfast lights. You slept through the 'fucking lights.'"