Siamese Twins in England
Q: Why did the Siamese twins move to England?
A: So the other one could drive.
A cop pulled over a car for swerving all over the road. The blonde at the wheel looked very confused and scared. "What's going on here, ma'am?" "Well, I was driving along when all of a sudden there was a tree right in my path. I swerved to miss it, but there was another tree. And after that, another, and another." The cop looked inside her car and sighed. "Ma'am. That's your air freshener."
Bad Driving Witch
Q: What do you call a witch who drives really badly?
A: A road hag!
Bumpy Car Trip
There were three guys in a car. One driving, the other in the passenger seat and one resting in the back. The guy in the back became sleepy and fell asleep. A few minutes later, he is startled by a "THUMP THUMP." "What the hell was that?" he shouted. The driver says, "It was just a redneck." "I felt two thumps, though," says the passenger. "Yeah we had to go through the fence to hit him."
How to identify a Canadian driver:
- One hand on wheel, one hand on horn: MONTREAL
- One hand on wheel, one finger out window: TORONTO
- One hand on wheel, one finger out window, cutting across all lanes of traffic: OTTAWA
- Both hands on wheel, eyes shut, both feet on brake, quivering in terror: SASKATOON, but driving in TORONTO
- Both hands in air, gesturing, both feet on accelerator, head turned to talk to someone in the back seat: QUEBEC CITY
- One hand on 12 oz. double shot latte, one knee on wheel, cradling cell phone, foot on brake, mind on radio game, banging head on steering wheel while stuck in traffic: VANCOUVER
- One hand on wheel, one hand on hunting rifle, alternating between both feet being on the brake and both feet on the accelerator, throwing McDonald's bag out the window: RED DEER
- Four wheel drive pick-up truck, shotgun mounted in rear window, beer cans on the floor, raccoon tails attached to the antenna: PRINCE GEORGE
- Two hands gripping wheel, blue hair barely visible above windshield driving 40 km/hr on Hwy 1 in the left lane with the left blinker on: VICTORIA
- One ski-doo mitt on steering wheel, one ski-doo mitt scrapper in hand out front window scrapping frost, Guess Who on 8 track playing Share The Land, hockey equipment smelling up car interior, waiting at lights for snow removal equipment to finish clearing intersection: WINNIPEG