Souped Up Lincoln

A rich guy from the north is driving his Lincoln Continental down to New Orleans. Along the way he picks up a redneck.
The redneck looks quizzically at the dash board and says, "What aret hose thangs?"
The driver says, "Those are golf tees."
The redneck asks, "What those are for?"
The driver says "Those hold  my balls when I drive."
The redneck says, "Sheeit, these Lincolns sure come with everythang!"

Ghost Car

Q: Why did the car stop when it saw a ghost?
A: It had a nervous breakdown!

Excuse For Speeding

A cop pulls a car over on the highway for speeding. When he asks for the driver's license, the driver argued, "Speeding? Officer, I was only trying to keep a safe distance between my car the the car in back of me."