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The best jokes and joke writers!

10 Signs Your Broker

  1. Was Affected by the Stock Market Crash "He can't come to the phone right now... he's on the ledge."
  2. "He won't be in today... he was made an offer and he refused."
  3. "He left the building and not via the elevator... if you catch my drift."
  4. "I'm sorry, sir... she's not in... she's out digging up your can as we speak."
  5. There's a sign on her desk that says "Next Broker Please."
  6. "He's on another line with his Mommy... would you care to hold?"
  7. "No sir, that wasn't him streaking through the Stock Exchange."
  8. "He's meeting with the SEC as we speak."
  9. "I'm sorry, ma'am but that was him being led from the Stock Exchange naked except for the sale tickets stuck to his body via maple syrup."
  10. "Yes sir, that is him in the White Bronco leading the cops down the freeway."

Addicted To Computers

Ten ways to know that you're addicted to your computer:

10) When you begin to laugh you yell, LOL.

9) You tell your computer you love it, more than you tell your spouse.

8) Your house catches on fire and you run home to save your computer before your family.

7) Your computer is your ONLY friend.

6) You think cyber sex is better than real sex.

5) You type only in short hand (YO ROFLMAO I'LL BRB B4 U RTFM LOL).

4) You type 40 words a minute with two fingers.

3) Your twins are named RAM & ROM.

2) After breaking from your computer, you realize you have gained 40lbs, have grown hair in unusual places, your spouse and kids have left you, and Windows 3.1 is outdated.


Top Ten Things Men Know About Women

Top 10 things men know about women:

  1. They have tits
  2. They have tits
  3. They have tits
  4. They have tits
  5. They have tits
  6. They have tits
  7. They have tits
  8. They have tits
  9. They have tits
  10. They have tits

What Men Would Do If They Had A Vagina For A Day

10. Immediately go shopping for zucchini and cucumbers.

9. Squat over a hand-held mirror for an hour and a half.

8. See if they could finally do the splits.

7. See if it's truly possible to launch a ping pong ball 20 feet.

6. Cross their legs without rearranging their crotch.

5. Get picked up in a bar in less than 10 minutes BEFORE closing time.

4. Have consecutive multiple orgasms and still be ready for more without sleeping first.

3. Go to the gynecologist for a pelvic exam and ask to have it recorded on video.

2. Sit on the edge of the bed and pray for breasts too.

1. Finally find that damned G-spot.

Top Ten Things To Do While Giving Blood

10. Watch the bag fill.
9. Hyperventilate.
8. Pull the tube out of the bag and drink from it.
7. Race to see who fills their bag first (requires two or more people).
6. Puncture the bag near the top and see whether they pull the needle out of your arm before the blood squirts out.
5. While they're not looking, substitute a bag of orange liquid and complain they gave you too much Tang.
4. Insist that you want to give 2 pints.
3. Faint.
2. Tell them you saw the bag twitch.
1. Yell, "Hey, you used that needle on the last guy!"