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The best jokes and joke writers!

Shakespearean Answering Machine

(For Shakespeare lovers only:) So long as phones can ring and eyes can see, So leave a message, and I'll get back to thee. 

Answering Machine - Prayer

Now I lay me down to sleep; Leave a message at the beep. If I die before I wake, remember to erase the tape.

Monty Python Answering Machine

English accent: Hello, you've reached the phone of Monty Python. I can't come to the phone right now because the witch has turned me into a newt! I'll call you back when I get better.

Answering Machine - Color Shirt

Please leave your name, phone number, the time you called, and your favorite color of shirts. We'll get back to you if we like the color. 

Change my Number

The phone rings, woman answers. A pervert, with heavy breathing, says, "I bet you have a tight ass with no hair."

Woman replies, "Yes I do, he's watching golf, who shall I say is calling?"