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The best jokes and joke writers!

Bowling Alley Prank Call

Call a bowling alley, and ask, "Do you have 10 lb. balls?"
When the attendant says yes, ask, "Then how the hell do you walk?"

Answering Machine - Aussie

(Aussie accent:) Hi, how 'ya doin', listen, I'm not here, but I tell ya what, this anserin' machine is so clever, I kid you not, if you don't leave a message -- it'll ring 'ya back and ask for one! Bye.

Answering Machine - Tricked You

Hello. (Pause.) Hello? (Pause.) Hello! (Pause.) No, it doesn't look as if I'm in right now. Maybe you should leave a message at the beep or call me back later. BEEP. (Pause three seconds.) Just kidding, that wasn't really the beep. Are you ready now?

Answering Machine - Money

After the tone, leave your name, number, and tell where you left the money. I'll get back to you as soon as it's safe for you to come out of hiding.

Answering Machine - Metaphysics

I don't want to bore you with metaphysics, but how do you know this is an answering machine? Maybe it's a dream, or maybe it's an illusion, or maybe YOU don't really exist. One way to find out is to leave a message, and if it's reality, I will call you back.