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The best jokes and joke writers!

Constipation Call

Thank you for calling the constipation hotline...

Please hold.

Answering Machine - Long Winded

Due to the large number of complaints regarding the length of our previous answering machine message, we made a few changes. Double speed: Insert standard long-winded message here.

Answering Machine - Poetry

Sorry that we are not at home. Please leave a message after the tone. When we get in, we'll give you a ring. Until then, wait by the phone. 

Answering Machine - Darth Vader

(Darth Vader voice:) Speak, worm!

Answering Machine - Looting

We're not in cause we're out LOOTING! Leave a message and we'll call you back and tell you what we got.