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The best jokes and joke writers!

Answering Machine - Camptown Races

"Camptown Races": I can't come to the telephone; doo-dah, doo-dah. Leave your message when you hear the tone; oh, de doo-dah day. Might be gone all night... Might be gone all day... So leave a message when you hear the tone. I'll call you back someday... 

Answering Machine - Yesterday's Ending

Hello, this is Marlin's answering machine reminding you that yesterday was the last day of the previous period of your life. After the beep you can tell me how it was, or leave some other, informative message. Thanks. 

Answering Machine - Stolen Phone

Someone stole our phone. So if you leave a message we'll run over to a neighbor's house and use their phone to call you back.

Answering Machine - Nirvana

Nirvana's "Smells Like Teen Spirit": Hello, Hello, Hello, Hello, Hello, Hello, No one's here, no one's home, leave a message, at the tone. Don't feel stupid, it's no big fuss, leave a message, you can reach us.

Answering Machine - Madonna

Madonna's "Justify My Love"; sultry voice: Wanting... Waiting... for you, to justify your call.