Technology Jokes - Computer Jokes

Macintosh Computers
Macintosh stands for... Most Applications Crash, If Not, The Operating System Hangs.
Categories:
Copyright © 2013 - All Rights Reserved - Used with Permission.
Stupid Insults
- His pointers are null / uninitialized.
- His puzzle is missing a few pieces.
- His reaction time is longer than his attention span.
- His root file system isn't mounted.
- His seat back is not in the full upright and locked position.
- His shared libraries aren't installed.
- His signal-to-noise ratio is epsilon.
- His spark can't jump the gap.
- His spirit guide is a three-toed sloth.
- His stack's not very deep / he has an eight-byte stack.
- His strings aren't null-terminated.
- His strip is demagnetized.
- His system administrator is never in.
- His train tracks aren't quite parallel.
- His URL denies outside access.
- His watch dog is sleeping.
- His wisdom is stolen from bumper-stickers and T-shirts.
- Hitler's evil twin.
- Hyperspatially interconnected / permanently disconnected neural net.
- Hypnotized as a child and couldn't be woken.
- I'd like to buy him for what he's worth and sell him for what he thinks he's worth.
- If brains were bird droppings, he'd have a clean cage.
- If brains were dynamite, she wouldn't have enough to blow her nose / her hat off / the wax out of her ears.
- If brains were gasoline, he wouldn't have enough to drive a dinky car around the inside of a cheerio.
- If brains were grains of sand, he couldn't fill a dixie cup.
- If brains were lard, he'd be hard pressed to grease a small pan.
- If brains were taxed, he'd get a rebate.
- If brains were water, hers wouldn't be enough to baptize a flea.
- If God tried to help him, we'd have an eight day week.
- If he donated his brain to science, it'd set civilization back 50 years.
Categories:
Copyright © 2013 - All Rights Reserved - Used with Permission.
Things You Don't Want Your System Admin To Say
- Uh-oh...
- Oh S***!
- What the heck?!?
- Go get your backup tape. (You DO have a backup tape?)
- That's SOOOOO bizarre.
- Wow!! Look at this...
- Hey!! The Suns don't do this.
- Terminated?!?
- What software license?!?
- Well, it's doing SOMETHING...
- Wow...that seemed fast...
- I got a better job at Lockheed...
- Management says...
- Sorry, the new equipment didn't get budgeted.
- What do you mean that wasn't a copy?
- It didn't do that a minute ago...
- Where's the GUI on this thing?
- Damn, and I just bought that Coke...
- Where's the DIR command?
- The drive ate the tape but that's OK, I brought my screwdriver.
- I cleaned up the root partition and now there's LOTS of free space.
- What's this "any" key I'm supposed to press?
- Do you smell something?
- What's that grinding sound?
- I have never seen it do THAT before...
- I don't think it should be doing that...
- I remember the last time I saw it do that...
- You might as well all go home early today...
- My leave starts tomorrow.
- Oops! (said in a quiet, almost surprised voice)
- Hmm, maybe if I do this...
- Why is my "rm -R *" taking so long?"
- Hmmm, curious...
- Well, MY files were backed up.
- What do you mean you needed that directory?
- What do you mean /home was on that disk? I umounted it!
- Do you really need your home directory to do any work?
- I didn't think anybody would be doing any work at 2am, so I killed your job.
- Yes, I chowned all the files to belong to pvcs. Is that a problem to you?
- We're standardizing on AIX.
- Wonder what THIS command does?
- What did you say your user name was?
Categories:
Copyright © 2013 - All Rights Reserved - Used with Permission.
Message to Thief
Message to whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office.
I will find you.
You have my Word!
Categories:
Computer Errors
To err is human, but to really mess things up requires a computer. Computers are not intelligent. They only think they are. Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes.
Categories:
Copyright © 2013 - All Rights Reserved - Used with Permission.

Load More Jokes
Generate More Recommendations