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The best jokes and joke writers!

Polish Scientistific Plans

Poland sent its top team of scientists to attend the international science convention, where all the countries of the world gathered to compare their scientific achievements and plans. The scientists listened to the United States describe how they were another step closer to a cure for cancer, and the Russians were preparing a space ship to go to Saturn, and Germany was inventing a car that runs on water. Soon, it was the Polish scientists' turn to speak. "Well, we are preparing a space ship to fly to the sun." This, of course was met with much ridicule. They were asked how they planned to deal with the sun's extreme heat. "Simple, we're going at night!"

Space Pirate

Q: What's a space pirate's favorite planet? 

A: mArrrs!

Armstrong Out

Buzz Aldrin commented on how he felt being the second man on the moon. "Well" he said, "It could have been anyone. Right up until we landed, we hadn't decided who would be first out the door. Then, once we touched down, Neil suggested we toss for it." "And he won?" I said. "Well, no" he mumbled. "The moon has low gravity so and the coin was still in the air when Neil jumped down the ladder. The twat."

Sun College

Q: Why didn't the sun go to college?

A: It already had a million degrees.

More Hilarious Al Gore Quotes and Blunders

  • "I am not part of the problem. I am a Democrat."
  • "A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls."
  • "Illegitimacy is something we should talk about in terms of not having it."
  • "Democrats understand the importance of bondage between a mother and child."
  • "Welcome to President Clinton, Mrs. Clinton, and my fellow astronauts."
  • "Mars is essentially in the same orbit... Mars is somewhat the same distance from the Sun, which is very important. We have seen pictures where there are canals, we believe, and water. If there is water, that means there is oxygen. If oxygen, that means we can breathe."
  • "What a waste it is to lose one's mind. Or not to have a mind is being very wasteful. How true that is."
  • "People that are really very weird can get into sensitive positions and have tremendous impact on history."
  • "When I have been asked who caused the riots and the killing in L.A., my answer has been direct and simple: Who is to blame for the riots? The rioters are to blame. Who is to blame for the killings? The killers are to blame."
  • "The American people would not want to know of any misquotes that Al Gore may or may not make."