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Microsoft Ad Space

Microsoft announced that it is selling advertising space in the error messages that appear in Windows. Acknowledging for the first time that the average user of their operating system encounters error messages at least several times a day, Microsoft is trying to take financial advantage of the unavoidable opportunity to make an ad impression.

"We estimate that throughout the world, at any given moment, several million people are getting a 'general protection fault' or 'illegal operation' warning. We will be able to generate significant revenue by including a short advertising message along with it," said Microsoft marketing director Nathan Mirror.

The Justice Department immediately indicated that they intend to investigate whether Microsoft is gaining an unfair advantage in reaching the public with this advertising, by virtue of its semi-monopolistic control over error messages.

Remember when, Technology...

Remember when ...

A computer was something on TV from a science fiction show, A window was something you hated to clean and ram was the cousin of a goat. Meg was the name of my girlfriend and gig was a job for the nights.

Now they all mean different things and that really mega bytes.

An application was for employment, a program was a TV show, a cursor used profanity, a keyboard was a piano, Memory was something that you lost with age, a CD was a bank account, and if you had a 3 1/2" floppy, you hoped nobody found out. Compress was something you did to the garbage not something you did to a file and if you unzipped anything in public you'd be in jail for a while. Log on was adding wood to the fire, hard drive was a long trip on the road, a mouse pad was where a mouse lived, and a backup happened to your commode. Cut you did with a pocket knife, paste you did with glue, a web was a spider's home, and a virus was the flu. I guess I'll stick to my pad and paper, and the memory in my head. I hear nobody's been killed in a computer crash, but when it happens they wish they were dead.

Computer Died

Ted: Last night my computer died.

Ned: What did it die of?

Ted: A terminal illness

Cray Toaster

If Cray made toasters...

They would cost $16 million but would be faster than any other single-slice toaster in the world, at least for a couple of years.

Tech Support

Computer novices may feel like they're alone these days, but some of the following calls to a help desk show there are plenty of people out there who still are inching onto the information superhighway.

After a caller gave a technician her PC's serial number, he scanned a database of registered users and responded, "I see you have an Dell All-In-One desktop PC." Before he could say another word, the caller shrieked and said she'd be right back. When the customer returned, the technician asked if she was all right. The caller responded, "Had I realized you could see me, I never would have telephoned in my bathrobe."

A customer who had just received a new Ultrabook asked about the power-saving feature known as "hibernate." "Will this hibernate feature work in the spring and summer?" The caller asked.