U.S. State Jokes - California Jokes
Not All True
Two men were sitting side by side on an airliner flying from Denver to Los Angeles. The first man appeared nervous and finally explained that he was being transferred to LA. "I hate Los Angeles," he said. "Everything you hear about LA is bad -- smog, traffic, and worst of all, the crime. Gangs everywhere, people getting shot and robbed, things stolen, car jackings, and everyone hates everyone else." "Oh, it's not that bad," said the second man. "I live in LA myself. Most of that stuff you read is media hype. It's just not true. You'll find LA is just like any other city, anywhere in America." "Really?" responded the first. "Boy, that makes me feel a lot better. You say you live in LA -- what do you do for a living?" "I'm a tail gunner on a Bud Light delivery truck."
Californians to Change Lightbulb 2
Q: How many Californians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Five - one to screw it in and four to sit in the hot tub and discuss the environmental impact.
Just In Time
A long time resident of San Francisco is packing all his stuff into boxes. His roommate comes in & asks what he's doing. "I'm leaving !" he replies. "They just made homosexuality legal." "So why leave now ?" queries his roomie. "Gays have been part of the scene here for years and years." "Yeah, I know." he replied. "I'm getting the hell out of here before the damn fools make it compulsory."
A Californian and an Texan were deer hunting in the brush of south Texas when an illegal alien runs across a clearing. The Texan takes careful aim, shoots and kills him. "You can't do that!" cried the Californian. "It's legal here in Texas " replies the Texan.
Later that night the Californian goes to town to buy some beer from Walmart. He puts the beer on the roof of his truck and while he's making room behind the seat, an illegal alien runs by, grabs the beer and runs away. The Californian draws his pistol, shoots and kills him. As he is retrieving his beer the police come and arrest him.
"But I thought it was legal to shoot illegal aliens here in Texas!" protests the Californian. "Well, yeah," says the cop, "but you can't use bait."
The president of ABC decided that it was time to build a new factory. He asked representatives from three development companies to come in and make a bid on the project. The three companies showed up at the scheduled meeting. The president of ABC asked the first company, Bruin Construction, whose president earned his MBA from UCLA, " How much will your company charge for this project?"
"2 million," said Bruin. "1 million for materials and 1 million for labor."
Then president then asks the same question to the second company, Cardinal Construction, whose president earned his MBA from Stanford. Cardinal answered, "3 million, 1.5 million for materials, 1.3 million for labor, and 0.2 million for licenses and permits."
Finally, the president asks the last company , Trojan Construction, whose president earned his MBA from USC. Trojan answered, " 4 million."
"FOUR MILLION," yelled the president of ABC. "How do you breakdown the cost?"
Trojan replied, "1 million for you, 1 million for me, and 2 million to get the guy from UCLA to build the factory!