U.S. State Jokes - Alabama Jokes

With the overwhelming response to the CBS hit "Survivor", Alabamans have made their own version. Contestants are given pink car to drive from Dothan, to Birmingham, on to Decatur, and back to Dothan. On each car is a bumper sticker that says, "I'm gay, I'm a yankee, and I'm here to steal your guns!" First one back wins.

It is illegal for a driver to be blindfolded while operating a vehicle.

Dominoes may not be played on Sunday.

You may not drive barefooted.

It is illegal to maim oneself to escape duty.

It is illegal to impersonate a person of the clergy.

Women are able to retain all property they owned prior to marriage in the case of divorce. However, this provision does not apply to men.

Masks may not be worn in public.

Putting salt on a railroad track may be punishable by death.

Boogers may not be flicked into the wind.

Bear wrestling matches are prohibited.

It is legal to drive the wrong way down a one-way street if you have a lantern attached to the front of your automobile.

Men may not spit in front of the opposite sex.

Incestuous marriages are legal.

It is illegal to wear a fake moustache that causes laughter in church.

You must have windshield wipers on your car.

You may not have an ice cream cone in your back pocket at any time.

Anniston:  You may not wear blue jeans down Noble Street.

Jasper:  It is illegal for a husband to beat his wife with a stick larger in diameter than his thumb.

Lee County:  It is illegal to sell peanuts in Lee County after sundown on Wednesday.

Mobile:  It is unlawful to wear women's pumps with sharp, high heels.

It is unlawful to howl at ladies inside the city limits.

Montgomery:  It is considered an offense to open an umbrella on a street, for fear of it spooking horses. (Repealed)

A salesman from Cincinnati traveled to Alabama for a company meeting. He couldn't get a flight back home till Sunday so he decided to spend Saturday fishing.  He went to Cabela's and found a great deal on rods, reels and a loaded tackle box. He rented a kayak at Guntersville lake and headed out in search of bass.

He was only 15 minutes from shore when the trolling motor stopped working.  When he realized that the rental company only gave him one oar, he decided to seek help.

He saw a man with two beautiful women on his boat who also had a spare oar. "Excuse me, may I borrow one of your oars?" he yelled. The other man appeared offended and yelled back,  "Thems ain't 'ores, thems me sisters!"

I hate when people go around calling their cousins, cousin. But, I guess if you're from the South, that's a handy tool in finding a husband or wife.