Bad Golfer

Golfer: "Well, I have never played this badly before!"
Caddy: "I didn't realize you had played before, sir!"

First Golf Lesson

The schoolteacher was taking her first golfing lesson. "Is the word spelt p-u-t or p-u-t-t?" she asked the instructor.
"P-u-t-t is correct,'' he replied. "Put means to place a thing where you want it. Putt means merely a vain attempt to do the same thing."

Letterman Golf Vs Sex

David Letterman's  Top Ten Reasons Why Golf Is Better than Sex...

#10  ... A below-par performance is considered damn good.

#09  ... You can stop in the middle and have a cheeseburger and a couple of beers.

#08  ... It's much easier to find the sweet spot.

#07  ... Foursomes are encouraged.

#06  ... You can still make money doing it as a senior.

#05  ... Three times a day is possible.

#04  ... Your partner doesn't hire a lawyer if you play with someone else.

#03  ... If you live in Florida, you can do it almost every day.

#02  ... You don't have to cuddle with your partner when you're finished.

And the NUMBER ONE reason why golf is better than sex...

#01  ... When your equipment gets old you can replace it!