Henry Abel's son, David, burst into the house, crying. His Mama asked him what the problem was. "Pop and I were fishing, and he hooked a giant fish. Really big. Then, while reeling it in, the line busted and the fish got away." "Now come on, David," his mother said, "a big boy like you shouldn't be crying about an accident like that. You should have laughed." "That's what I did, Mama."
No Cookies For Grandpa.
A boy goes on a fishing trip with his grandpa. They install themselves on the river bank and have brought with them all the provisions they need for a fine day's fishing. After a while, grandpa lights a cigarette. The boy gazes on. He knows his parents won't allow him to smoke, but he gets on well with his grandpa, so he asks 'Can I have one of those cigarettes?' Grandpa, knowing he shouldn't encourage the boy in a bad habit, but not wanting give a curt 'no' asks 'Does your dick reach your ass?'. The boy replies 'No , it doesn't'. 'Then, ' said grandpa, 'you aren't old enough to smoke.' Half an hour later grandpa opens a six pack. The boy has always wanted to taste beer so he asks grandpa for a swig. 'Does your dick reach your ass?' asks the old man. 'No, replies the boy.' 'Then you're not big enough to touch beer,' comes the reply. By and by the boy feels hungry and opens his lunch box. He finds a pack of cookies there and takes one out to eat it. Grandpa sees this and fancies a cookie himself, so he asks for one.The boy turns the tables on his grandpa and asks 'Does you dick reach your ass?' 'It sure does, says the old man. ''Then go fuck yourself, these are all mine!'
The Fishing Spot
One day Bob and Bubba went fishing. They were catching a lot of fish so they wanted to figure out how to remember this part if the lake. Bob said, ''I know. I can spit in the water!''
But Bubba said, ''No! How will we know it's your spit?'' They thought and thought and finally Bob said, '' I know. We can draw an 'X' right here on the side of the boat!'' But Bubba said ''No, no, Bob. That won't work! How will we know that we get the same boat next time?''
You Might Be A Redneck 11
You might be a redneck if...
- You've ever worn shorts to a funeral home.
- You think that the styrofoam cooler is the greatest invention of all time.
- You've ever been too drunk to fish.
- You've ever bought a used cap.
- You had to remove a toothpick for wedding pictures.
- You've ever used a weedeater indoors.
- Your mama tore her best dress coon hunting.
- You have a rag for a gas cap (on a car that does run).
- You look upon a family reunion as a chance to meet `Ms. Right'.
- You have to go outside to get something out of the 'fridge.
Mail Order Fisherman
An elderly fisherman wrote to a mail order company the following:
"Please send me one of those gasoline engines for my boat you show on page 438, and if it's any good, I'll send you a check."
In a short time he received the following reply:
"Please send check. If it's any good, we'll send the engine."