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The best jokes and joke writers!

Mail Order Fisherman

An elderly fisherman wrote to a mail order company the following:

"Please send me one of those gasoline engines for my boat you show on page 438, and if it's any good, I'll send you a check."

In a short time he received the following reply:

"Please send check. If it's any good, we'll send the engine."

The worm's got a salmon by the throat

MacAndrews was visiting his Irish cousin, O'Bannon. While there he decided to do a bit of fishing. As he sat there one afternoon, his cousin walked by. "What are ye doing?" asked O'Bannon. "Fishin'," said MacAndrews. "Caught anything?" "Ach, nae a bite," "What are ye usin' fer bait?" "Worms" "Let me see it," said O'Bannon. MacAndrews lifted the line from the water and handed it to his cousin. O'Bannon took out his flask of potcheen and dipped the worm in it. He handed it back to MacAndrews, who cast his line once more. As soon as the worm hit the water, his rod bent over double, the line screaming out. "Have ye got a bite?" asked O'Bannon. "No!" shouted MacAndrews, fighting with the rod, "The worm's got a salmon by the throat!"

Settle This With Fishing

The Presidential election was too close to call. Neither the Republican candidate nor the Democratic candidate had enough votes to win. There was much talk about ballot recounting, court challenges, etc., but a week-long ice fishing competition seemed the sportsmanlike way to settle things. The candidate that caught the most fish at the end of the week would win the election. Therefore, it was decided that there should be an ice fishing contest between the two candidates to determine the winner. After much of back and forth discussion, it was decided that the contest take place on a remote frozen lake in northern Minnesota. There were to be no observers present, and both men were to be sent out separately on this isolated lake and return at 5 P.M. with their catch for counting and verification by a team of neutral parties. At the end of the first day, John McCain returned to the starting line and he had ten fish. Soon, Obama returned and had no fish. Well, everyone assumed he was just having another 'bad hair' day or something and hopefully, he would catch up the next day. At the end of the 2nd day McCain came in with 20 fish and Obama came in again with none. That evening, Harry Reid got together secretly with Obama and said, 'Obama, I think John McCain is a low-life, cheatin' son-of-a-gun. I want you to go out tomorrow and don't even bother with fishing. Just spy on him and see just how he is cheating.' The next night (after McCain returns with 50 fish), Harry Reid asks Obama, 'Well, tell me... how is John McCain cheating?' Obama replied, 'Harry, you're not going to believe this, but he's cutting holes in the ice.'

Moral of the Story: Experience Counts.

X Marks the Spot

Two dumb fishermen decided to rent a boat on a lake. After fishing for hours at various spots and catching nothing, they decided to try one more time before calling it quits. Suddenly, fish started biting and they caught their limit inside of 20 minutes. "Hey, we should mark this spot so next time we'll know where to fish," the first man told his buddy. "Good idea," the second man replied, taking out a can of spray paint and making a large X on the floor of the boat. "Why'd you do that?" his friend asked. "Now anyone who rents this boat will know where to fish."

Fisherman's Sons

A fisherman and his wife had twin sons named Towards and Away. Once the boys were grown, the fisherman took them out to sea to learn the family fishing trade. A week later, the mother saw her husband dock the boat all alone. "Oh no! What has happened to my darling boys?" she cried. "We were just one day out to sea, when Towards hooked a great fish. He fought long and hard, but he was pulled over the side and swallowed whole by the fish." "Oh dear, what a huge, horrible fish that must of been!" "Yes, it was, but you should have seen the one that got Away."