Manager: Our new midfielder cost ten million. I call him our wonder player
Fan: Why's that?
Manager: Every time he plays I wonder why I bothered to buy him!
Leper at the World Series
A guy with leprosy wins tickets to see the world series. But when he gets there, he has trouble finding a seat because pieces of him are peeling and flaking off, and he's very concerned about grossing out the other fans. The leper wanders through the bleachers looking for a seat where his grotesque appearance won't disturb anyone else.
Finally he finds an open seat where he might be able to watch the game. He asks the man in the adjoining seat if it would be okay to sit there.The man answers, "Yeah. Just sit down, shut up, and watch the game." The leper sits down and adds, "As you can see, I have leprosy. If it disturbs you, I will move." "It doesn't bother me. Just shut up, and watch the game." A while later, during the fourth inning, the man suddenly vomits. Frothy beer, hot dogs, and peanuts are splattered everywhere. Seeing this, the leper gets up and says, "Thank you for allowing me to sit next to you, but I can see that my appearance has caused you to get sick. I will find another place to sit." "It's NOT you. Just sit down, shut up, and watch the game." So the leper sits back down. But during the sixth inning, the man begins to vomit again. This time it is projectile vomitus. A powerful blast of beer and pretzels shoots out from the man's mouth and nose until his stomach is completely emptied. Seeing this, the leper gets up and says, "Thank you for allowing me to sit next to you, but I can see that my appearance has caused you to get sick. I will find another place to sit." "Really, it's NOT you. Just sit down, shut up, and watch the game." So the leper sits back down. But during the seventh inning, the man begins to vomit again. This time it is the dry heaves. The leper feels absolutely awful at the sight of this man suffering. And once again, the leper offers to leave. But the man insists, "Really, it's NOT you." So the leper asks, "Well if it's not me that is making you so sick,then what is it?" "It's that guy behind you. He keeps dipping his nachos in your back."
Piece of Rope
Q: Why did a footballer take a piece of rope onto the pitch?
A: He was the skipper!
Top 10 - Baseball Is Better Than Sex
Top Ten Reasons Baseball Is Better Than Sex:
10: It is legal to play professionally
9: You can count on it at least 4 times a week
8: You have a coach to tell you when to advance
7:When you are tired, you always get relieved
6: If you strike out once, you still have 2 more tires to get a hit
5: Up to 4 people can score at once
4: Pop ups are frequent
3: 30,000 people cheer when you score
2: After 7 innings, you get to stretch
1: You can get a homerun without any foreplay!
Q: Did you hear about the new Cubs soup?
A: Two sips and then you choke.