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The best jokes and joke writers!

Centipede

One day the big animals and the little animals decided to have a football game. As the first half went along, the big animals were scoring at will. Every time they got the ball they would run it in for a touchdown. Then came the second half...First play: The elephant runs the ball up the middle. WAP!! Tackled for a five yard loss. The little animals go back to the huddle cheering and congratulating each other. "Who made that tackle?" asked the ant. "I did," said the centipede. Second play: The rhinoceros runs the ball up the middle. WHOMP!! Tackled for another five yard loss. Back in the huddle the flea asked, "Who made that great stop?" "I did," said the centipede. Third play: The gorilla tries an end sweep, led by the hippo throwing the lead blocks. SMACK!! Centipede tackles him for a ten yard loss. Back in the huddle, the gnat asked the centipede, "Where were you in the first half?" The centipede replied, "Puttin' on my shoes!"

Football Misunderstanding

A college senior took his new girlfriend to a football game. They found seats in the crowded stadium and were watching the action. A substitute was put into the game and as he was running onto the field to take his position, the boy said to his girlfriend, "Take a good look at that fellow. I expect him to be our best man next year." His girlfriend snuggled closer to him and said, "That's the strangest way I ever heard of for a boy to propose to a girl. But, regardless of how you said it, I accept!"

O.J. Simpson to Raleigh

Q: Why did O.J. Simpson go to Raleigh, NC in the Ford Bronco?

A: He knew that the police would never look there for a Heisman Trophy winner.

Ghost's Footballer

Q: What do ghosts say when a girl footballer is sent off?

A: Ban-she Ban-she!

Illinois Speeding Penalty

Q: Did you hear the new penalty for speeding in Illinois?

A: On the first offense they give you Bears tickets, and on the second offense, they make you use them.