Advantages of Being a Woman
Advantages of being a woman:
- We got off the Titanic first.
- We get to flirt with systems support men who always return our calls and are nice to us when we blow up our computers.
- Our boyfriend's clothes make us look elfin and gorgeous. Guys look like complete idiots in ours.
- We can be groupies. Male groupies are stalkers.
- We can cry and get off speeding fines.
- We've never lusted after a cartoon character or the central female figure in a computer game.
- Taxis stop for us.
- Men die earlier so we get to cash in on the life insurance.
- We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing.
- Free drinks, Free dinners, Free movies ... (you get the point).
- We can hug our friends without wondering if she thinks we're gay.
- We can hug our friends without wondering if WE'RE gay.
- New lipstick gives us a whole new lease on life.
- It's possible to live our whole lives without ever taking a group shower.
- We don't have to fart to amuse ourselves.
- If we forget to shave, no one has to know.
- We can congratulate our team-mate without ever touching her butt.
- If we have a zit, we know how to conceal it.
- We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there.
- If we're dumb, some people will find it cute.
- We don't have to memorize Caddyshack or Fletch to fit in.
- We have the ability to dress ourselves.
- We can talk to people of the opposite sex without having to picture them naked.
- If we marry someone 20 years younger, we're aware that we look like an idiot.
- Our friends won't think we're weird if we ask whether there's spinach in our teeth.
- There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems.
- We'll never regret piercing our ears.
- We can fully assess a person just by looking at their shoes.
- We know which glass was ours by the lipstick mark.
- We have enough sense to realize that the easiest way to get out of being lost is to ask for directions.
Princess and Frog
Once upon a time, in a land far away, a beautiful, independent, self assured princess happened upon a frog as she sat contemplating ecological issues on the shores of an unpolluted pond in a verdant meadow near her castle. The frog hopped into the princess' lap and said, "Elegant Lady, I was once a handsome prince, until an evil witch cast a spell upon me. One kiss from you, however, and I will turn back into the dapper, young prince that I am and then, my sweet, we can marry and setup housekeeping in yon castle with my mother, where you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, bear my children, and forever feel grateful and happy doing so." That night, as the princess dined sumptuously on a repast of lightly sauteed frog legs seasoned in a white wine and onion cream sauce, she chuckled to herself and thought, "I don't freakin' think so!"
Single women can't fart
Do you know why single women can't fart?
Because they don't get assholes until they get married.
Q: Why do men float better than women?
A: Because they're scum.
Man With One Brain
Q: Did you hear about the man that was born with both sexes?
A: He had a dick and a brain!