Sexist Jokes - Men vs Women Jokes

Q: Why do women fake orgasms?

A: Because men fake foreplay.

Q: Why did God invent a man first?

A: He wanted to start with something simple.

Q: Why did Michael Jackson and Lisa Marie Presley split up?

A: He wanted children and she didn't want to get a sex change.

A man has a car wreck and they have to amputate his brain. So the nurse takes him to the brain transplant warehouse. On one side of the shelves are lined with brains marked $500.00 each. On the other side the shelves are lined with brains marked $200.00 each. The brainless man asks why the price difference. The nurse points to the $200.00 brains and explains that these are female brains, so they've been used.

Advantages of being a woman:

1. We got off the Titanic first.
2. We get to flirt with systems support men who always return our calls and are nice to us when we blow up our computers.
3. Our boyfriend's clothes make us look elfin and gorgeous. Guys look like complete idiots in ours.
4. We can be groupies. Male groupies are stalkers.
5. We can cry and get off speeding fines.
6. We've never lusted after a cartoon character or the central female figure in a computer game.
7. Taxis stop for us.
8. Men die earlier so we get to cash in on the life insurance.
9. We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing.
10. Free drinks, Free dinners, Free movies ... (you get the point).
11. We can hug our friends without wondering if she thinks we're gay.
12. We can hug our friends without wondering if WE'RE gay.
13. New lipstick gives us a whole new lease on life.
14. It's possible to live our whole lives without ever taking a group shower.
15. We don't have to fart to amuse ourselves.
16. If we forget to shave, no one has to know.
17. We can congratulate our team-mate without ever touching her butt.
18. If we have a zit, we know how to conceal it.
19. We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there.
20. If we're dumb, some people will find it cute.
21. We don't have to memorize Caddyshack or Fletch to fit in.
22. We have the ability to dress ourselves.
23. We can talk to people of the opposite sex without having to picture them naked.
24. If we marry someone 20 years younger, we're aware that we look like an idiot.
25. Our friends won't think we're weird if we ask whether there's spinach in our teeth.
26. There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems.
27. We'll never regret piercing our ears.
28. We can fully assess a person just by looking at their shoes.
29. We know which glass was ours by the lipstick mark.
30. We have enough sense to realize that the easiest way to get out of being lost is to ask for directions.