Woman Saying Something Smart

Q: How do you know when a woman's about to say something smart?
A: When she starts her sentence with , "A man once told me... "

Defining the Perfect Woman

What's the definition of a perfect woman?

1. Three feet tall with a round hole for a mouth and a flat head so that you can put a pint of beer on it.
2. The sports model has pullback ears and her teeth fold in.
3. The economy model fucks all evening and, at midnight, turns into a roast beef sandwich and a six pack.

A Guide to Opening a Beer

Q: How do you open a can of beer?
A: That's not the point - it should be open when she gives it to you!