Had Two

A young woman goes to a dinner party with a head-cold. Her dress had no pockets for a tissue so she stuffs one into each cup of her bra. During the dinner party she feels a sneeze coming on. She discreetly rummages inside her left cup, but is unable to find anything. She notices that the man next to her is watching. “Sorry,” she whispers. “But I’m sure I had two when I arrived.”

Men In Heaven

Q: Why do so few men end up in heaven?
A: They never stop to ask for directions.

Flies

A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter. "What are you doing?" She asked. "Hunting Flies" He responded. "Oh. Killing any?" She asked."Yep, 3 males, 2 Females," he replied. Intrigued, she asked. "How can you tell?" He responded, "3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone."