Defining the Perfect Woman

What's the definition of a perfect woman?

1. Three feet tall with a round hole for a mouth and a flat head so that you can put a pint of beer on it.
2. The sports model has pullback ears and her teeth fold in.
3. The economy model fucks all evening and, at midnight, turns into a roast beef sandwich and a six pack.

Tampax with Bells and Tinsel

Have you heard about the new line of Tampax with bells and tinsel? It's for the Christmas period.

The Honeymoon's Over!

A young couple got married and left on their honeymoon. When they got back, the bride immediately called her mother. "Well, how was the honeymoon?" asked the mother. "Oh mamma!" she exclaimed. "The honeymoon was wonderful! So romantic!" No sooner had she spoken the words than she burst out crying. "But mamma . . . as soon as we returned, Sam started using the most horrible language. He's been saying things I've never heard before! All these awful 4-letter words! You've got to come get me and take me home... please mamma!" "Now Sarah . . ." her mother answered. "Calm down! Tell me, what could be so awful? What 4-letter words has he been using?" "Please don't make me tell you, mamma." wept the daughter. "I'm so embarrassed! They're just too awful! You've got to come get me and take me home... please mamma!" "Darling, baby, you must tell me what has you so upset . . .Tell your mother these horrible 4-letter words!" Still sobbing, the bride replied, "Oh, mamma . . . words like dust, wash, iron, and cook!"