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The best jokes and joke writers!

Dreams: Difference Between Genders

Q: Women dream of world peace, a safe environment, and eliminating hunger. What do men dream of?

A: Being stuck in an elevator with the Doublemint twins.

Dilemma Defined

My son asked me what a dilemma was?

"Imagine you're naked and in a big bed" I explained, "A beautiful woman on one side and a gay man on the other...

Who you going to turn your back on?"

Little Johnny in Math Class

Little Johnny was in his math's class one day when the teacher singled him out. "If I gave you $20," the teacher began, "and you gave $5 to Mary, $5 to Sally and $5 to Susan, what would you have?" "An orgy," Johnny answered.

Two Appointments At Once

Q: Did you hear about the call girl who accidentally made two appointments at the same time?

A: She managed to squeeze them both in.

Pros And Cons of A Threesome

Pros and cons of a threesome

Advantages

  • It can get really weird
  • Someone can go for beer without interrupting the proceedings
  • There's always a hand or mouth free when you need one
  • Motel rooms split 3 ways are only $13
  • You get to watch your best friends making love
  •  You get to get watched making love
  • Simultaneously enjoying intercourse and oral sex has to be experienced to be believed
  • You get strange looks when you all go out dancing
  • You get really strange looks when you all go out comparison shopping for condoms
  • Enough people to play gin rummy if things don't work out
  • You can safely check yourself for any homosexual tendencies without actually doing anything about it
  • Calling out the wrong name during climax isn't as much of a problem, the "wrong name" is probably the one on your left
  • Three-person showers are fantastic
  • Three-person naked belly laughs are even better
  • Three-person kisses are best

Disadvantages 

  • It can get really weird
  • Tougher for three people to decide on pizza toppings
  • Simultaneous orgasms are even trickier to pull off
  • You may harbor paranoid thoughts that while you're in the bathroom; the other two are giggling over the pimple on your butt
  • Trying to find safe places to put your elbows
  • You get to find out what kind of really sick things your friends like
  • Queen-sized beds are suddenly smaller than you remember them
  • Trying to fit 3 names in the little heart when drawing on your notebooks
  • Morning breath multiplied by 3
  • You might discover homosexual tendencies you didn't suspect or want
  • You might discover homosexual tendencies in one of your friends you didn't suspect or want
  • You have the option of wrecking twice the normal number of relationships
  • The odds of boyfriends/spouses walking in on you triple
  • Sorting clothes quickly when the significant other walks in assumes comical proportions
  • Now there are two wet spots to avoid.