Sex Jokes - Private Parts
Rosie O'Donnell Arrested
Q: Did you hear why Rosie O'Donnell got arrested?
A: Airport security lifted up her dress and found 200 pounds of crack.
Once there was this man whose car broke down. He realized after looking for help for 10 minutes that there was a small farmhouse with an old lady sitting on the porch. He told her his unfortunate story and she gladly let him in. But first she told him, ''I have three rules that you musn't break or I'll see to it that you meet justice! But since talking hurts my throat so much, I won't tell you my rules.'' She let him sleep in the laundry room. He found himself a comfortable pile of old wool sweaters. After puffing his "pillow" he realized that a pair of pants were hanging down from a clothes line over top of his new bed. Seeing that it was no big deal he pulled them down. Instantly the old lady darted into the room and said, ''YOU BROKE MY FIRST RULE!'' He was sent outside to sleep in the donkey's stable. Right beside him was a tiny donkey kicking him so much that he slapped it. In a flash grandma was there: ''You broke the second rule. Watch out.'' He was sent onto the porch to sleep. All of a sudden a big, ugly cat came along and started rubbing all over him. Being allergic to cat hair, he shaved it bald. Here came the grandma. ''You broke the third rule,'' she starts, ''I'm calling the cops.'' The cops came and requested a description of what happened. The old lady said, ''That man is a damned rapist. He pulled down my pants, slapped my ass and shaved my pussy!"
Imagine if major companies from all around the world started producing or sponsoring condoms. They would become fashionable and companies would probably advertise more openly. Imagine the trademarks:
- Nike Condoms - Just do It!
- Toyota Condoms - Oh what a feeling
- Ford Condoms - The ride of your life
- Sony Condoms - Do not underestimate the power of Sony
- Microsoft Condoms - Where do you want to go today?
- KFC Condoms - Finger Licking Good
- M&Ms Condoms - Melt in your mouth, not in your hands
- Coca-Cola Condom - The Real Thing
- Ever-Ready Condoms - Keep going and going
- Macintosh Condoms - It does more, it costs less, it's that simple
- Pringles Condoms - Once you pop, you can't stop
Crotchless Underwear Scare
A husband and wife decide they need to spice up their sex life. The wife buys a pair of crotchless underwear, puts them on, and goes into the bedroom. She seductively asks her husband, "Hey Big Boy, do ya want some of this?" The husband takes one look at her underwear and replies, "Hell no! Look what that thing does to underwear!"
Once Upon A Time In An Elavator
A guy steps into an elevator and there's just one attractive woman in it. He turns around to push the button for his floor and his elbow bumps right into her breast. He says, "Oh, I'm so sorry. If your heart is as soft as your breast, I hope you'll be able to forgive me." She looks at him a few seconds and says, "That's all right. If your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 204."