Sex Jokes

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Bath Time.

It was time for Father John's Saturday night bath and a young nun, Sister Magdalene, had prepared the bath water and towels just the way the old nun had instructed. Sister Magdalene was also instructed not to look at Father John's nakedness.  If she could, do only whatever he told her to do and pray.
The next morning the old nun asked Sister Magdalene how the Saturday night bath had gone. "Oh, sister," said the young nun dreamily.  "I've been saved.".  "Saved? And how did that fine thing come about?", asked the old nun.  "Well, when Fr. John was soaking in the tub, he asked me to wash him and while I was washing him he guided my hand down between his legs where he said the Lord keeps the Key to Heaven."  "Did he now?", said the old nun evenly.  Sister Magdalene continued, "And Fr. John said that if the Key to Heaven fit my lock, the portals of Heaven would be opened to me and I would be assured of salvation and eternal peace. And then Father John guided his Key to Heaven into my lock." 
"Is that a fact?" said the old nun even more evenly.  "At first it hurt terribly, but Fr. John said the pathway to salvation was often painful and that the glory of God would soon swell my heart with ecstasy. And it did, it felt so good being saved."  "That wicked old Devil!" said the old nun. "He told me it was Gabriel's Horn, and I've been blowing it for 40 years!"

Categories: Religion Jokes (Nun / Priest Jokes) , Sex Jokes
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Anonymous

Old Mother Hubbard

Old Mother Hubbard went to her cupboard to fetch her old dog a bone, But when she bent over, Rover took over and gave her a bone of his own!

Categories: Funny Nursery Rhymes , Sex Jokes , Animal Jokes (Dog Jokes)
Anonymous

What Size Fits?

A man strolls into a pharmacy and asks the assistant for some condoms. She asks, ''What size please?'' ''Good question," he replies, " I'm not sure," ''Tell ya what. Right outside, there's a fence with three holes in it, stick your dick in the holes and tell me which one it fits in,'' suggests the lady. So he takes her advice, goes outside and puts his dick in the first hole. A woman walks past, see's his dick and starts feeling it. The man thinks, ''Hey, this ain't too bad.'' Then he puts his dick in the second hole, another woman walks by, and gives him a blow job. At this point, he is literally blown away. He quickly shoves his dick in the last hole, and yet another woman walks by, and she starts to shag him. After they are done rocking, he high-steps it back inside and goes to the counter. The assistant asks ''What size then?'' "Forget the condoms," says the man, "how much for the fence?"

Categories: Sex Jokes (Private Parts) , Sex Jokes , Profession Jokes (Pharmacist Jokes)
Anonymous