A Promise to Keep

"But this isn't an engagement ring." the young lady protested. "Why it's just a tiny unset diamond."  "Yeah ! I know." said the fellow, "And, it'll be mounted in a cluster around a big one, the very day after you are."

Love, Lust, or Marriage?

How do you know if you're in love, in lust, or really married?

• LOVE - When your eyes meet across a crowded room. LUST - When your tongues meet across a crowded room. MARRIAGE - When you lose your child in crowded room.
• LOVE - When intercourse is called "making love." LUST - When intercourse is called "screwing." MARRIAGE - What the hell are you talking about?
• LOVE - When you argue over how many children to have. LUST - When you argue over who gets the wet spot. MARRIAGE - When you argue over money.
• LOVE - When you share everything you own. LUST - When you steal everything they own. MARRIAGE - When the bank owns everything.
• LOVE - When it doesn't matter if you don't climax. LUST - When the relationship is over if you don't climax. MARRIAGE - What's a climax?
• LOVE - When you write poems about your partner. LUST - When all you write is your phone number. MARRIAGE - When all you write is checks.
• LOVE - When you show concern for your partner's feelings. LUST - When you couldn't give a shit. MARRIAGE - When your only concern is what's on TV.
• LOVE - When your heart flutters everytime you see them. LUST - When your groin twitches everytime you see them. MARRIAGE - When your wallet empties everytime you see them.
• LOVE - When all the songs on the radio describe exactly how you feel. LUST - When the song on the radio determines how you do it. MARRIAGE - When you listen to talk radio.
• LOVE - When you're only interested in doing things with your partner. LUST - When you're only interested in doing things TO your partner. MARRIAGE - When you're only interested in your golf score.

Brand Name Condoms

Which condom would you use?

• Nike Condoms: Just do it.
• Toyota Condoms: Oh what a feeling.
• Diet Pepsi Condoms: You got the right one, baby.
• Pringles Condoms: Once you pop, you can't stop.
• Mentos Condoms: The fresh maker.
• Flinstones Vitamins Condom Pack: Ten million strong and growing.
• Secret Condoms: Strong enough for a man, but ph balanced for a woman.
• Macintosh Condoms: It does more, it costs less, it's that simple.
• Ford Condoms: The best never rest.
• Chevy Condoms: Like a Rock.
• Dial Condoms: Aren't you glad you use it? Don't you wish everybody did?
• New York Lotto Condoms: Cause hey -- you never know.
• Avis Condoms: Trying harder than ever.
• EverReady Condoms: Keeps going and going
• KFC Condoms: Finger-Licking Good.
• Coca Cola Condoms: Always the Real Thing.
• Lays Condoms: Betcha can't have just one.