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The best jokes and joke writers!

Curious Priest

After several years of serving the church in a far away land, a priest is requested to report to his new assignment at a church in the South Bronx, New York. He set out immediately to learn the new culture by taking a walk down the street in plain clothes. On his way, a loose looking woman approaches him and in a lowered voice says, "Hey Buddy... blow job 25 bucks." The priest glares at her confused and says, "What's a blow job?" The woman is just as confused and says, "What are you a comedian?" and walks off. The priest, undaunted, walks on to the next block and again another seedy looking woman confronts him and again repeats, "Hey mister, blow job 25 bucks." The priest quickly replies, "What is this blow job!?" The woman looks at him surprised and thinking something's wrong hurries off. The priest, now very curious, returns to the church to ask anyone he can find what exactly a "blow job" is. The priest sees the mother superior and says, "I have a question -- What's a blow job?" Mother superior quickly goes to shut the door and upon returning to her seat she replies in a whisper. "Same as on the outside... 25 Bucks."

Bar Celebrating

Tim Shandy stepped into the Warm Spoon, a popular Galway tavern. To Mike Callahan, the bartender, Shandy said "Mike, I'll be havin' three whiskeys." Callahan set up three glasses and began to pour. "Now, Timothy, it's not the usual thing for you to ask for three whiskeys. It's celebratin', you are." "Ahh, ye know me too well, Micheal, ye do. Truth, and I'm celebrating me first blow job." Callahan smiled benevolently and set a fourth glass on the bar. "Now, that's special," he said. "For an old customer like y'rself, here's a fourth on the house, so I may be sharin' your celebration with you." Shandy shook his head, and replied "'Tis verra kind of ye, Micheal, but I'm thinkin' if three won't get rid of the taste, four won't either."

Blonde Dating

Q: How can you tell when a blonde is dating?

A: By the buckle print on her forehead.

What were they Thinking?

There's a man walking a tight rope 60 feet above ground. There's another man getting a blowjob from a 60 year old woman.

Q: What are they both thinking at the exact same time?

A: Don't look down, don't look down, don't look down, don't look down!

Appropriate Penance

A Priest gets a call from one of his golfing buddies on a Saturday afternoon. "We've got a tee time at 3:00 and need a fourth...can you make it?" Sadly the priest tells his friend that he has to hear confessions and cannot make it. His friend urges him to get a substitute. Well, being the only priest in this parish, he hasn't many choices. As he ponders his dilemma, he sees the custodian cleaning the church. "Hey, Joe...can you help me out??" He explains his dilemma and asks Joe if he would hear confessions for him. "Oh, no I wouldn't have any idea what to do!!" "Joe, don't worry...I have this card, you see. When someone confesses their sin, you look on the card...find the sin...and follow it over to the appropriate penance...it's that simple...here comes the first penetant...try it!!" So Joe goes into the confessional and the first penetant comes in and kneels before the screen..."Bless me Father...I have sinned...I have had impure thoughts." Joe looks at the list...finds "Impure Thoughts" and orders: "Say two Our Fathers, three Hail Marys and go forth and sin no more." "Thank you, Father," replies the penetant.  Hey...this is easy!! The next one comes in. "Bless me father. I have sinned.  I have fornicated." Fornication...fornication...can't find it...oh there it is on the back. "Say 10 Our Fathers, 15 Hail Marys. and go forth and sin no more." "Thank you, Father." Then the third arrives. "Bless me Father, I have sinned.  I have had oral sex." Oral sex? Oral sex? It's not on the card! Joe is in a panic. He looks out and sees an altar boy getting ready for mass. "Pssst...Jimmy...c'mere!! What does Father O'Brien give for Oral Sex?" The boy replies..."A Snickers and a Coke. Why?"