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The best jokes and joke writers!

Sword Playing

Two bums were sitting on a street curb, bored as ever. Then, one of them got an idea, saying "I know, let's play swords!" "Play swords?" asked the other. "How?" "Simple. Whip it out, smack it till it's hard, and we both whack'em together like swords." So they did, and they were running up and down the street, smacking their dicks together playing swords. Then, a gay man walked up to them and inquired about their actions. "We're playing swords!" yelled one of the bums. The gay man wanted to play too. An hour later, the gay man was becoming exhausted. "I'm tired," he said. He bent over saying, "kill me!, kill me!!" 

Lesbian Vampire

Q: What did the lesbian vampire say to her partner?

A: See you next month.

A Lesbian Dinosaur

Q: What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?

A: lick-a-lot-a-pus

The New Motorcycle

A man buys a new motorcycle. The salesperson tells him that when it rains to go outside and rub Vaseline on it because it protects it while also making it nice and shiny. Later that night, he goes to eat at his girlfriend's house, and the rule at their house is if you talk during supper you have to do the dishes. So they are eating and he looks at his girlfriend and kisses her. Nobody says anything, and he fucks her right at the table and nobody says anything. He looks over at her mom and kisses her too. Nobody says anything, so he does her too. Next thing he knows he looks outside and it is starts to rain outside, so he grabs the Vaseline out of his pocket. At that his girlfriend's dad stands up and says, ''Okay. I will do the damn dishes.''

Real Cowboy

A handsome cowboy dressed to kill with cowboy shirt, hat, jeans, spurs and chaps went to a bar and ordered a drink. As he sat there sipping his whiskey, a young lady sat down next to him. After she ordered her drink she turned to the cowboy and asked him, "Are you a real cowboy?" "Well, I've spent my whole life on the ranch herding cows, breaking horses, mending fences... I guess I am," replied the cowboy. After a short while he asked her to share her story. "I've never been on a ranch so I'm not a cowboy, but I am a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women. As soon as I get up in the morning I think of women, when I eat, shower, watch TV, everything seems to make me think of women," told the young woman. A short while later she left and the cowboy ordered another drink. A couple sat down next to him and asked, "Are you a real cowboy?" "Well, I always thought I was, but I just found out that I'm a lesbian!"