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The best jokes and joke writers!

K9 Style

It has been studied and determined that the most often used sexual position for married couples is the doggy position. The husband sits up and begs, while the wife rolls over and plays dead.

Proper Manners in Bed

The nervous young bride became irritated by her husband's lusty advances on their wedding night and reprimanded him severely.  "I demand proper manners in bed," she declared, "just as I do at the dinner table!"

Amused by his wife's formality, the groom smoothed his rumpled hair and climbed quietly between the sheets. "Is that better?" he asked, with a hint of a smile.

"Yes," replied the girl, "much better."

"Very good, darling," the husband whispered.  "Now would you be so kind as to please pass the pussy!"

Viagra And Valium

Q: What is the result if you take a Viagra with a Valium?

A: If you don't get to fuck, you don't give a fuck.

Chinese Anniversary

Went to a Chinese restaurant today with my new girlfriend to celebrate our two month anniversary. The philosophical message in my fortune cookie read, "Every exit is an entrance."

Long story short, my girlfriend said no.

Three Wishes

A huge muscular man walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender hands him the beer and says, "You know, I'm not gay but I want to compliment you on your physique, it really is phenomenal! I have a question though, why is your head so small?"

The big guy nods slowly. He's obviously fielded this question many times. "One day," he begins, "I was hunting when I got lost in the woods. I heard someone crying for help and finally realized that it was coming from a frog sitting next to a stream.

So I picked up the frog and it said, 'Kiss me. Kiss me and I will turn into a genie and grant you 3 wishes.' So I looked around to make sure I was alone and gave the frog a kiss. POOF! The frog turned into a beautiful, voluptuous, naked woman.

She said, 'You now have 3 wishes.' I looked down at my scrawny 115 pound body and said, "I want a body like Arnold Schwarzenneger." She nodded, whispered a spell, and POOF! There I was, so huge that I ripped out of my clothes and was standing there naked!

She then asked, "What will be your second wish?"

I looked hungrily at her beautiful body and replied, "I want to make sensuous love with you here by this stream." She nodded, laid down, and beckoned to me. We then made love for hours!

Later, as we lay there next to each other, sweating from our glorious lovemaking, she whispered into my ear, "You know, you do have one more wish. What will it be?"

I looked at her and replied, "How about a little head?"