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Too Much!
A couple returned from their honeymoon and it's obvious to everyone that they are not talking to each other. The groom's best man takes him aside and asks what is wrong. "Well," replied the man, "When we had finished making love on the first night, as I got up to go to the bathroom I put a $50 bill on the pillow without thinking." "Oh, you shouldn't worry about that too much," said his friend. "I'm sure your wife will get over it soon enough - she can't expect you to have been saving yourself all these years!" The groom nodded gently and said, "I don't know if I can get over this though. She gave me $20 change!"
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Tasting Pick Up Line
Want a taste of my hanging sausage?
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Ride 'Em Cowboy!
Ed and Ted went to the fair. They came across a small crowd gathered around a stall and went over to take a look. "What's going on?" Ed asked one of the crowd. "We're watching to see if some idiot can ride that bronco machine," he said nodding towards a fearsome looking machine. "Nobody has managed to stay on for the full three minutes yet. There's a prize of $1000 for anybody who can." "I can do that!" Ed said confidently. "No you can't," said Ted. "I sure as hell can!" said Ed. "You'll get yourself killed if you try and ride that monster," said Ted. "Watch this," said Ed and climbed aboard the bronco machine. The machine thrashed wildly, up and down, from side to side, around in circles but still a grim-faced Ed clung to its back. After two minutes the machine was bucking almost vertically and spinning until Ed was a blur. When the three minutes were up Ed was still on the machine's back acknowledging the cheers and cries from the small crowd. He dismounted, collected his winnings and rejoined Ted. "Where in hell did you learn to ride a bucking bronco like that!?" Ted asked. "Remember three months ago," Ed said "When my wife had whooping cough...?"
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