Sex Jokes

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Retirement

One day, while going to the store, I passed by a nursing home.  On the front lawn were six old ladies lying naked on the grass, Millie, Nelda, Elma, Lacey, Sippy and Rosie.
I thought this was a bit unusual, but continued on my way to the store. On my return trip, I passed the same nursing home with the same six old ladies lying naked on the lawn.
This time my curiosity got the best of me, and I went inside to talk to the Nursing Home Administrator. 'Do you know there are six ladies lying naked on your front lawn?'
'Yes,' she said. 'They're retired prostitutes, and they're having a yard sale.'

Categories: Sex Jokes (Prostitute Jokes) , Old Age Jokes (Old Age Sex Jokes)
Anonymous

In Exchange

What do you call a prostitute who prefers the British pound as primary payment method?
A quid pro ho.

Categories: Sex Jokes (Prostitute Jokes) , Political Jokes (About Republicans)
Anonymous

A Facelift Experience

A lady goes to the doctor to see about getting a facelift. "Well," says the doctor, "I can do the facelift, and then you'll have to come back in six months for a follow-up." "Oh, no." the woman replies. "I want it all done in one shot. I don't want to have to come back." The doctor thinks for a second, then offers, "There is a new procedure where we put a screw in the top of your head. Then anytime you see wrinkles appearing, you just give it a little turn, which pulls the skin up and they disappear." "That's what I want!" exclaims the lady. "Let's do that." Six months later the lady charges into the doctor's office. "Well, how's the procedure holding up?" the doctor asks. "Terrible!" the lady bellows. "It's the worst mistake I've ever made." "What's wrong?" asks the doctor. "Just look at these bags under my eyes!" she hollers. "Lady," the doctor reports, "those aren't bags, those are your boobs, and if you don't leave that screw alone, you're going to have a beard!"

Categories: Appearance Jokes , Profession Jokes (Other Doctor Jokes) , Sex Jokes (Private Parts)
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