Helen Keller's Discovery

Q: How did Helen Keller discover masturbation?
A: She tried to read her own lips.

Trombone to French Horn?

Q: How do you make a trombone sound like a french horn?
A: Stick your hand in the bell and play lots of wrong notes.

Prostitute and Nymph

Q: What's the difference between a prostitute, a nymphomaniac, and a blonde?
A: The prostitute says, "Aren't you done yet?" The nympho says, "Are you done already?" The blonde says, "Beige. . . I think I'll paint the ceiling beige."