God Sues Satan
Noticing a mistake in St. Peter's roster, God calls Satan; "It seems you accidentally received some of my professionals down there: a teacher, a doctor and a farmer."
"Yeah," Satan replies. "All the more for me!"
God replies, "You better send them up here immediately."
Satan says, "No way. I'm keeping them."
God says, "Send them up here, or I'll sue the horns right off you."
Satan laughs uproariously, "Yeah, right. And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?"
So it seems that these four rabbis had a series of theological arguments, and three were always in accord against the fourth. One day, the odd rabbi out, after the usual "3 to 1, majority rules" statement that signified that he had lost again, decided to appeal to a higher authority. "Oh, God!" he cried. "I know in my heart that I am right and they are wrong! Please give me a sign to prove it to them!" It was a beautiful, sunny day. As soon as the rabbi finished his prayer, a storm cloud moved across the sky above the four. It rumbled once and dissolved. "A sign from God! See, I'm right, I knew it!" But the other three disagreed, pointing out that storm clouds form on hot days. So the rabbi prayed again: "Oh, God, I need a bigger sign to show that I am right and they are wrong. So please, God, a bigger sign!" This time four storm clouds appeared, rushed toward each other to form one big cloud, and a bolt of lightning slammed into a tree on a nearby hill. "I told you I was right!" cried the rabbi, but his friends insisted that nothing had happened that could not be explained by natural causes. The rabbi was getting ready to ask for a *very big* sign, but just as he said, "Oh God...," the sky turned pitch black, the earth shook, and a deep, booming voice intoned, "HEEEEEEEE'S RIIIIIIIGHT!" The rabbi put his hands on his hips, turned to the other three, and said, "Well?" "So," shrugged one of the other rabbis, "now it's 3 to 2."
If Atheists don't believe in God, can they get insured for an act of god?
God vs Satan
And God populated the earth with broccoli and cauliflower and spinach and green and yellow vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives. And Satan created McDonald's, and McDonald's brought forth the $3.20 double-cheeseburger, and Satan said to Man, "You want fries with that?", and Man said, "Super size them." And Man gained pounds.
And God created the healthful yogurt, that Woman might keep her figure that Man found so fair. And Satan froze the yogurt, and he brought forth chocolate, nuts and brightly colored sprinkle candy to put on the yogurt. And Woman gained pounds.
And God said, "Try my crispy fresh salad." And Satan brought forth creamy dressings, bacon bits, and shredded cheese, and there was ice cream for dessert. And Woman gained pounds.
And God said, "I have sent you heart-healthy vegetables and olive oil with which to cook them." And Satan brought forth chicken- fried steak so big it needed its own platter. And Man gained pounds, and his cholesterol went through the roof.
And God brought forth running shoes, and Man resolved to lose those extra pounds. And Satan brought forth cable TV with remote control so Man would not have to work to change channels. And Man gained pounds.
And God said, "You're running up the score, Devil." And God brought forth the potato, a vegetable naturally low in fat and brimming with nutrition. And Satan peeled off the healthful skin and sliced the starchy centre into chips and deep-fat fried them. He created sour cream dip also, and Man clutched his remote control, and ate the potato chips swaddled in cholesterol. And Satan saw that and said, "It is good." And Man went into cardiac arrest.
And God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery... And Satan created private health insurance ....
God Makes a Woman
And God Created The Woman. He was so pleased with his creation that he calls in three of his top advisors: His chief Carpenter, His Chief Tailor, and His Chief Architect. He presents his creation to his Chiefs and asks them for suggestions and comments. The Carpenter says, "Too many forms, you need to straighten things out, flatten it out." God replies, "No I like it that way, but thanks." Then the Tailor says, "Too many strings (hair) sticking out, you need to trim them." God replies, "No I like it that way, but thanks." Then the Architect says: "Wonderful creation, absolutely superb, but next time, please do not place the toilets next to the reception room."