Religion Jokes

Hitler's Final Day

It's a well-known fact that Hitler often consulted astrologists and people involved in the occult to get direction while Germany fought in World War II.
One day he decided to thank his chief astrologer and called him into his office to say, "we've done really well in the war and I'm grateful for your advice. I'm wondering something though, how come you never told me something that would be important to me  like when will I die?"
The astrologer said "Mein Fuhrer, you never asked."
Hitler says "I'm asking you now, do you know the day I'm going to die?"
The astrologer says "as a matter of fact I do know the day. You're going to die on a Jewish holiday."
Hitler is shocked, "that's a horrible thing - a Jewish holiday! What Jewish holiday am I going to die on?"
The man says. "Any day you die will be a Jewish holiday."

Categories: Religion Jokes (Jewish Jokes) , Ethnic / Country Jokes (German Jokes)
Anonymous

Hidden in the Attic

This elderly Italian guy goes to his parish priest and asked if he would hear his confession. The priest assured him that he would, and the two took up the customary positions on either side of the divider. "Well, Father," began the old man, "At the beginning of World War II a beautiful Jewish woman knocked on my door and asked me to hide her from the Germans. So I hid her in my attic, and they never found her." "That's a wonderful thing," interjected the priest, "But it's certainly nothing you need to confess!" "It's gets worse Father," continued the elderly fellow,  "I was weak and I told her that she had to repay me for hiding her, by providing me with sexual favors." The priest contemplated this disclosure for a minute and then responded, "Well, it was a very difficult time, and you took a very large risk. You would have suffered terribly at their hands if the Germans had found you hiding her. I know that God, in his wisdom and mercy, will balance the good and the evil of your acts, and judge you kindly." "Thank you Father," said the old man. "That's a load off my mind!  Can I ask another question?" "Of course, my son," said the priest. The old man asked, "Do I have to tell her that the war is over?"

Categories: Religion Jokes (Catholic Jokes) , Sex Jokes , Ethnic / Country Jokes (Italian Jokes)
Copyright © 2013 - All Rights Reserved - Used with Permission.
Anonymous

Jesus & Joseph

St. Peter has a day-off from his duties at the gates to Heaven and Jesus is standing in for him. Whilst 'booking-in' the new arrivals Jesus notices an old man in the queue who seems familiar. When this man gets to the front of the queue Jesus asks him his name. "Joseph" is the reply, which makes Jesus more inquisitive. "Occupation?" is the next question, the reply being "Carpenter". Jesus is now getting quite excited. In quite a state Jesus asks "Did you have a little boy?", the answer is "yes". "Did he have holes in his wrists and ankles?" asks Jesus, "Yes" comes the reply. Jesus looks at the old man in front of him and with a tear in his eye shouts "FATHER, FATHER"?! The old man looks puzzled and after a moment replies.... "Pinnochio?"

Categories: Religion Jokes (Jesus Jokes) , Religion Jokes (Heaven Jokes) , Jokes about Families (Father Jokes) , Jokes about Families (Son Jokes)
Copyright © 2013 - All Rights Reserved - Used with Permission.
Anonymous