Sister Margaret

Sister Margaret died and through some error found herself in hell. She immediately called Saint Peter and said, "This is Sister Margaret. There's been a terrible mistake!" She explained the situation, and Saint Peter said he'd get right on it. The next day the nun didn't hear from Saint Peter so she called him again. "Please set this error straight before tomorrow," she begged. "There's an orgy planned for tonight, and everyone *must* attend!" "Of course, Sister," he said. "I'll get you out of there right away." Apparently, her plight slipped his mind, and the following morning Saint Peter received another phone call from hell. He picked up the receiver with tribulations of his heart and started to listen. He heard the following, "Hey, Pete, this is Maggie. Never mind!"

Halloween Cab

A cabbie picks up a nun. She gets into the cab, and the cab driver won't stop staring at her. She asks him why is he staring and he replies, "I have a question to ask you but I don't want to offend you."She answers, 'My dear son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun a long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive."
"Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me." She responds, "Well, let's see what we can do about that: #1, you have to be single and #2 you must be Catholic."
The cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I am single and I'm Catholic too!" The nun says "OK, pull into the next alley." He does and the nun fulfills his fantasy. But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.
"My dear child, said the nun, why are you crying?" "Forgive me sister, but I have sinned. I lied, I must confess, I'm married and I'm Jewish." The nun says, "That's OK, my name is Kevin and I'm on my way to a Halloween party."

Nuns Waiting to Get Into Heaven

A group of nuns died and are at the door to heaven. The guard explains to them that because they were supposed to stay pure while they were on Earth, only the ones that haven't touched a penis could go in.  The ones that were left outside had to make a line and one by one put holy water on the part of them that had touched a penis.
The first one only places her finger in the holy water. The second places her hand in the holy water. Then they hear a commotion as a nun tries to get to the beginning of the line and is stopped by the guard who asks her, "What is going on?" And the nun replied, "I just wanted to gargle first before Elena puts her ass in!"