A Preacher's Sermon

A preacher phoned the city's newspaper. "Thank you very much," said he, "for the error you made when you announced my sermon topic for last Sunday. The topic I sent you was 'What Jesus Saw in A Publican.' You printed it as 'What Jesus Saw in a Republican' I had the biggest crowd of the year!"

Muslim Grandfather

A Muslim family was considering putting their grandfather Mohammed in a nursing home. All the Muslim facilities were completely full, so they had to put him in an Christian home. After a few weeks in the Christian facility, they came to visit Grandpa. "How do you like it here?" asked the grandson" It's wonderful! Everyone here is so courteous and respectful," said grandpa. We're so happy for you. We were worried that this was the wrong place for you since you are a little different from everyone." "Oh, no! Let me tell you about how wonderfully they treat the residents," Mohammed said with a big smile." There's a musician here - he's 85 years old. He hasn't played the violin in 20 years, and everyone still calls him Maestro! There is a judge in here - he's 95 year old.. He hasn't been on the bench in 30 years and everyone still calls him Your Honor. There's a dentist here - 90 years old. He hasn't fixed a tooth for 25 years, and everyone still calls him Doctor. And me. I haven't had sex for 45 years, and they still call me The Fucking Muslim.

Back In The Closet

A young gay man calls home and tells his Jewish mother that he has decided to go back into the closet because he has met a wonderful girl and they are going to be married. He tells his mother that he is sure she will be happier since he knows that his gay lifestyle has been very disturbing to her. She responds that she is indeed delighted and asks tentatively, "I suppose it would be too much to hope that she would be Jewish?" He tells her that not only is the girl Jewish, but she’s from a wealthy Beverly Hills family. She admits she is overwhelmed by the news, and asks, "What is her name?" He answers, "Monica Lewinsky." There is a pause, then his mother asks, "What happened to that nice black boy you were dating last year?"