The Husband on the Scale

A wife saw her husband weight himself on the scale trying to suck in his stomach. The wife thought he was trying to reduce his weight on the scale, so she said, "You know, I don't think that will help you." The husband replies, "Of course it helps. It's the only way I can see the number on the scale!"

O'Toole Babysitting

O'Toole volunteered to take care of his numerous children so that Mom could have an evening out. At bedtime he sent the youngsters upstairs to bed and settled down to read. One child kept creeping down the stairs, but O'Toole kept sending him back up. At 10 o'clock the doorbell rang. It was the next door neighbor, Mrs. O'Brien. She asked if her son was there and O'Toole said no. Just then a little head appeared over the banister and a voice shouted. "I'm here Mom, but he won't let me go home."

Magician's Secret

During a recent vacation in Atlantic City, a couple went to see a popular magic show. After one especially amazing feat, a woman from the back of the theater yelled out, "Hey, how'd you do that?" "I could tell you, madam", the magician answered, "But then I'd have to kill you." After a short pause, she yelled back, "Ok, then... Just tell my husband!"