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The best jokes and joke writers!

Do you Already Have a Child?

During the wedding ceremony, when the minister comes to the part about, "If anyone has any reason why these two people should not marry, speak up now or forever hold your peace", get a young boy to run up the aisle yelling, "Daddy, daddy."

I understand from a friend who played this joke on a relative that it took almost an hour to get the wedding started again.

What Is A Penis

On the first evening of their honeymoon, they are sitting on the balcony of the hotel while the sun is setting. "Honey," she says, "now that we're married, will you tell me what a penis is?" He almost fell off the chair when he heard her ask. So, being her husband, he led her into their room and took his pants off. "*This, my love, is a penis." he told her. "Oh!" she exclaimed. "It looks like a dick, but only much smaller!"

The Wedding Is Off...No On

All the farmers for a hundred miles around were attending the wedding of a young Australian couple. Waiting for things to get started, they were somewhat shocked to see the bride's father storm up the aisle, jacket off, sleeves rolled up, and obviously very angry. "The weddin's off," he shouted, "Everybody bugger off!" Dismayed and muttering, the guests repaired to the parking lot, grumbling about their missed opportunity for free beer. One guest, a friend of the bride's father, held back, and approached him. "What's the problem?" he asked. "Someone stole a keg of beer, and some bastard fucked the bride!", exclaimed the father. The guest, taken aback, and rendered speechless, left the church, joining the other farmers. A few minutes later, the father reappeared and yelled "All right! Everyone back inside! The weddin's on again!" As the farmers filed back into the church, the friend again approached the father of the bride, and asked "What happened to make you change your mind?" Grinning sheepishly, he replied, "Oh, well, we... uh... we found the keg of beer."

TV Viewing

Your TV viewing on your wedding night will be...

  1. The Marriage Game
  2. Great Temptation
  3. The Untouchables
  4. Mission Impossible
  5. The Time is Right
  6. Rawhide
  7. Bonanza.

Tiger Woods In Bed

On their wedding night the new couple are just about to do the deed when the wife tells her new husband that she has a confession. "I lied when I told you I was a virgin. I have been with one other man" she tells her new hubby. The new husband asks if it was anyone he knows?. The wife answers ...well maybe! Husband asks who it was. The wife answers - it was Tiger Woods. Since the only other person his new bride ever slept with was the famous Tiger Woods, he's not at all upset and they get down to it and do the honeymoon "thing". When finished, the husband gets out of bed and reaches for the telephone."What are you doing?" asked his bride."I'm calling for room service. After all that work I'm hungry!" The wife says, "Tiger wouldn't do that." "Really! Just what would TIGER do?" says the husband. Well we would do it again! "Okay!" says the husband and jumps into the bed. This same thing happens two more times, after which the guy is pretty tired. So he drags himself out of bed and gets to the telephone. The wife says..you're not calling room service are you!!!! "NO, says the exhausted hubby" "Well who are you calling then, she asks. "I'm calling Tiger Woods...I want to see what par is for this hole!