The Irish Wedding
A wedding occurred just outside Cavan in Ireland. To keep tradition going, everyone gets extremely drunk and the bride's and groom's families have a storming row and begin wrecking the reception room and generally kicking the shit out of each other. The police get called in to break up the fight. The following week, all members of both families appear in court. The fight continues in the courtroom until the judge finally brings calm with the use of his gavel, shouting, 'Silence in court!' The courtroom goes silent and Paddy, the best man, stands up and says, 'Judge, I was the best man at the wedding and I think I should explain what happened.' The judge agrees and asks Paddy to take the stand. Paddy begins his explanation by telling the court that it is traditional in a Cavan wedding that the best man gets the first dance with the bride. The judge says, "OK.'' "Well", said Paddy, "after I had finished the first dance, the music kept going, so I continued dancing to the second song, and after that the music kept going and I was dancing to the third song, when all of a sudden the groom leapt over the table, ran towards us and gave the bride an unmerciful kick right between her legs." Shocked, the judge instantly responded, "God, that must have hurt!' "Hurt?" Paddy replies. "He broke three of my fingers!"
Do you Already Have a Child?
During the wedding ceremony, when the minister comes to the part about, "If anyone has any reason why these two people should not marry, speak up now or forever hold your peace", get a young boy to run up the aisle yelling, "Daddy, daddy."
I understand from a friend who played this joke on a relative that it took almost an hour to get the wedding started again.
What Is A Penis
On the first evening of their honeymoon, they are sitting on the balcony of the hotel while the sun is setting. "Honey," she says, "now that we're married, will you tell me what a penis is?" He almost fell off the chair when he heard her ask. So, being her husband, he led her into their room and took his pants off. "*This, my love, is a penis." he told her. "Oh!" she exclaimed. "It looks like a dick, but only much smaller!"
Your TV viewing on your wedding night will be...
- The Marriage Game
- Great Temptation
- The Untouchables
- Mission Impossible
- The Time is Right
Tiger Woods In Bed
On their wedding night the new couple are just about to do the deed when the wife tells her new husband that she has a confession. "I lied when I told you I was a virgin. I have been with one other man" she tells her new hubby. The new husband asks if it was anyone he knows?. The wife answers ...well maybe! Husband asks who it was. The wife answers - it was Tiger Woods. Since the only other person his new bride ever slept with was the famous Tiger Woods, he's not at all upset and they get down to it and do the honeymoon "thing". When finished, the husband gets out of bed and reaches for the telephone."What are you doing?" asked his bride."I'm calling for room service. After all that work I'm hungry!" The wife says, "Tiger wouldn't do that." "Really! Just what would TIGER do?" says the husband. Well we would do it again! "Okay!" says the husband and jumps into the bed. This same thing happens two more times, after which the guy is pretty tired. So he drags himself out of bed and gets to the telephone. The wife says..you're not calling room service are you!!!! "NO, says the exhausted hubby" "Well who are you calling then, she asks. "I'm calling Tiger Woods...I want to see what par is for this hole!