A recent survey shows that the most common form of marriage proposal these days consists of the words: "You're WHAT?!?!?"
Guys Keep it Simple
At the pre-marriage retreat, Natalie and Drew are each told to write a sentence using the words “sex” and “love.”
Natalie writes: “When two mature people are both passionately and deeply in love with one another to a high degree and they respect each other very much, just like Drew and I, it is spiritually and morally acceptable for them to engage in the act of physical sex with one another.”
Drew writes: “I love sex.”
If you are the best man at a wedding this is always my favorite toast: "The screwing you'll get is going to be worth the screwing you'll get." I didn't have the guts to use it at the wedding but it got a lot of laughs at the bachelor party.
Two newlyweds are riding in the back of a limo on the way to their honeymoon boat cruise. The husband says, "Honey, I want to stop and pick up some condoms before we go." "Good idea," she says. "While you're in there, pick me up some Dramamine." The groom gets out, walks into the drugstore and says to the clerk, "I'd like a box of condoms and a package of Dramamine, please." "Yes sir, says the clerk, "but do you mind if I ask you a question? If it makes you nauseous, why do you do it?"
Marrying A Sixteen Year Old
Jake is 85, and he gets married to a 16-year-old. He walks into the local bar when he gets back from his honeymoon, and all the guys want to hear about his wedding night. Jake says, "Well, when we got to the hotel, my youngest son carried me up the stairs, undressed me, and lifted me onto the bed with my bride, so she and I could spend the night together. The next morning all three of my sons came upstairs and lifted me off of her." The bartender says, "Why did it take three sons to get you off?" Jake says, "I fought 'em."