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The best jokes and joke writers!

Times Have Changed?

In olden times, it is reported that sacrifices were made at the altar... since then, weddings have been held there, and times haven't changed at all!

Wedding Question

Q: Is it all right to bring a date to the wedding?

A: Not if you are the groom.

The Irish Wedding

A wedding occurred just outside Cavan in Ireland. To keep tradition going, everyone gets extremely drunk and the bride's and groom's families have a storming row and begin wrecking the reception room and generally kicking the shit out of each other. The police get called in to break up the fight. The following week, all members of both families appear in court. The fight continues in the courtroom until the judge finally brings calm with the use of his gavel, shouting, 'Silence in court!' The courtroom goes silent and Paddy, the best man, stands up and says, 'Judge, I was the best man at the wedding and I think I should explain what happened.' The judge agrees and asks Paddy to take the stand. Paddy begins his explanation by telling the court that it is traditional in a Cavan wedding that the best man gets the first dance with the bride. The judge says, "OK.'' "Well",  said Paddy, "after I had finished the first dance, the music kept going, so I continued dancing to the second song, and after that the music kept going and I was dancing to the third song, when all of a sudden the groom leapt over the table, ran towards us and gave the bride an unmerciful kick right between her legs." Shocked, the judge instantly responded, "God, that must have hurt!' "Hurt?"  Paddy replies. "He broke three of my fingers!"

Do you Already Have a Child?

During the wedding ceremony, when the minister comes to the part about, "If anyone has any reason why these two people should not marry, speak up now or forever hold your peace", get a young boy to run up the aisle yelling, "Daddy, daddy."

I understand from a friend who played this joke on a relative that it took almost an hour to get the wedding started again.

What Is A Penis

On the first evening of their honeymoon, they are sitting on the balcony of the hotel while the sun is setting. "Honey," she says, "now that we're married, will you tell me what a penis is?" He almost fell off the chair when he heard her ask. So, being her husband, he led her into their room and took his pants off. "*This, my love, is a penis." he told her. "Oh!" she exclaimed. "It looks like a dick, but only much smaller!"